Being A Lifelong Learner: 2018's 12 Must-Reads

A rediscovered love of learning is one of my favorite life-changes I’ve embraced over the past couple of years. I’m closing out the year with 32 titles checked off my ever-growing to-read list. According to Audible, I’ve logged more than 325 hours of listening to audiobooks. That’s 325 hours spent making myself think and learn and grow. Time well spent, if you ask me.

Most of the books focus in some way on personal and professional growth, with a little bit of parenting thrown in. Themes of time-management, productivity and women-specific topics seem to emerge. I’ve really enjoyed taking bits and pieces from each and incorporating them in a way that makes sense to my life.

It wasn’t easy to get this list down to the Top 12. There are so many good ones on the full list. But here you go, the books that resonated most with me this year.  Enjoy! 

2018: 12 Must-Reads

Better Than Before, by Gretchen Rubin

What I liked about it: I really like knowing what makes people (including, or especially… myself) tick and what motivates them. Gretchen Rubin shares that people generally fall into four tendencies, and then shows ways to work your habits to your own tendency, and better understand others’ to motivate them. 

Atomic Habits, by James Clear

What I liked about it: There was so much in this one that was relevant to different pa

rts of life I’m focusing on these days: career, health and eating, running.  I connected to the idea of focusing on your current trajectory, rather than a moment in time. The idea of setting goals for direction, but focusing on systems for real progress also really resonated with me.

Essentialism, by Greg McKeown

What I liked about it: I like to take on a lot of things, and it’s hard for me to recognize how doing less can be better. This was a really good book to convince me that honing in on the right things (not just doing all the things right) is a worthy approach.  

Motivation Myth, by Jeff Haden

What I liked about it: I’m fascinated by the idea of motivation, having never been someone who has trouble finding it. A lot of practices in this book really spoke to me, such as setting big goals, then working the plan every day to reach them.  I liked the concept of setting big goals, then forgetting about the end game and focusing instead on the little steps every day that will get you there.

How Women Rise, by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith

What I liked about it: Really good, actionable take-aways, and an interesting perspective on what many women struggle with in the workplace (and beyond). I’ve referenced this many times with female co-workers, and have actively been adjusting my default habits and tendencies.

Myth of the Nice Girl, by Fran Hauser

What I liked about it: A different take on being successful as a woman – it doesn’t mean you have to give up being nice. In fact, being kind and compassionate can be a professional super-power.

Drop the Ball, by Tiffany Dufu

What I liked about it: Thought-provoking look at not doing it all. A senior leader in our team recommended this one to me, then followed up later to ask what I'd decided to drop the ball on. For me, this year it was Teacher Appreciation gifts. No Pinterest-perfect crafts, just a delivered lunch to the hard-working daycare crew. Continue to push myself to think of things not to do. It’s hard!

Grit, by Angela Duckworth

What I liked about it: I started this one the day after the 2018 Boston Marathon, where  I stood at mile 26 and watched runners trudge through the driving rain and near-freezing temps. That’s grit, alright! This book was an interesting take on what “grit” is and how it can help you persevere.

Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg 

What I liked about it: While I didn’t agree with everything, I did personally connect to the natural tendency to lean back when things get hard, or when society thinks you should. A series of career opportunities that aligned with my entrance into motherhood has shown me the value of leaning in when the time is right.

When, by Daniel Pink

What I liked about it: Fascinating look at the power of timing – I mean, really fascinating! Science-backed research, but wasn’t dry. Taught me the real value of taking breaks – yes, there is a scientific reason to let your mind and body take a rest. I also learned to schedule doctor appointments in the morning, and if I’m ever up for parole (?!), I hope my hearing is the first one after lunch.

Let Your Mind Run, by Deena Kastor

What I liked about it:  A personal memoir of running legend Deena Kastor. Really interesting to hear her journey and own struggles, and ways to overcome them. Not exclusively about running, as the theme is relatable in a lot of ways, but the theme of running thread through this story was a welcome change to my usual self-improvement topics. I listened to this one on audio and really enjoyed hearing the story in Deena’s own words.

How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, by Joanna Faber and Julie King

What I liked about it: Science-backed advice on navigating communicating with little people. While I can attest that there are still plenty of times that my girls don’t listen – I mean, this book isn’t magic – there were a few take-aways that we implemented in our family that really changed the dynamics. For one, we now tell the girls to “work it out” when they come to us with a problem, and it’s amazing to see how they positively react to this challenge and often come up with a better solution that we would have.  “Be a problem-solver,” is a new mantra in our house.

The rest of the books I read this year, listed more or less in order that I read them:

• Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, by Lois Frankel
• Start With Why, by Simon Sinek
• You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero
• Immunity to Change, by Lisa Laskow Lahey and Robert Kegan
• Good Is the New Cool, by Afdhel Aziz
• Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
• The One Thing, by Gary Keller
• I Thought It Was Just Me, by Brene Brown
• Your Brain At Work, by David Rock
• Mindset, by Carol Dweck
• Kick Ass, by Mel Robbins
• The Yes Brain, by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
• Off The Clock, by Laura Vanderkam
• Scrum, by Jeff Sutherland
• Wired To Eat, by Robb Wolf
• Leaders Eat Last, by Simon Sinek
• Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis
• Stretched Too Thin, by Jessica Turner
• Give and Take, by Adam Grant
• Turning People Into Teams, by David and Mary Sherwin

Power of the Pause

Pause: Lily and Sadie in a rare after-dinnertime activity of stickers and art. 

"Mom, why are we always trying to do things so fast?” 

Those were the words my sweet and inquisitive four-year-old daughter said to me this morning, as we walked briskly toward her classroom.

Just a moment before, we had dropped off her younger sister, with a flurry of hugs and kisses. “C’mon, Lily,” I said, as Lily meandered slowly toward her own classroom, stopping to look at something along the way. “Let’s go,” I said quickly, putting my hand gently on her shoulder and corralling her toward her classroom. 

It was a phrase I’ve said countless times. I suddenly realized that having me usher and guide her with the slightest of pushes on her shoulder was a nearly everyday occurrence.

Not much stops me in my tracks. But this question did. Because I knew she was right.

I’ve felt it lately: the pre-holiday rush, the increasing end-of-year work obligations, birthday parties, holiday shopping and, it seems, some sort of “event” scheduled for nearly every weekend.

Then I realized it wasn’t just the pre-holiday push she was referring to. It was every day. Rushing was part of our life. Our family operates at what I like to describe as 95% efficiency, planning and strategizing nearly every minute to fit in everything we want to do.

As a result, we have a wonderfully full life with fulfilling careers, dedicated time for fitness, home-cooked meals, and family-centered weekends (among all of the must-do’s of weekend errands and kid nap schedules). 

It also means that our days and weeks are a series of well-timed and planned events, squeezing in things when we have a window, or rushing to get to the next thing.

I’m often asked, with seeming admiration, how we manage to do it all. The real answer is that it takes a lot of work and precise planning for a family to be hitting on all cylinders at all times. It really is relentless. When something extra or unexpected gets added in – or as the year-end, holiday season can mean, lots of somethings get added in – it puts strain on this machine, er, family,  that usually runs at peak efficiency.

I’m sure Lily’s question this morning wasn’t meant as a commentary on our family’s full life. I’m sure she was asking why I had encouraged them to “hurry up” more than a few times that morning – while they dilly-dallied their way through brushing their teeth, or spent an extra 10 minutes figuring out which doll they would take on the three-mile ride to school drop-off.

For me, though, the question stuck with me all day – all day, as I smoothly navigated a back-to-back day of meetings, a commute, day-care pick-up, family dinner, and the usual bedtime routine.  Lily was right: we are trying to go fast all the time.

As the New Year approaches, I begin to think of what word will guide me in 2019. Perhaps it will be pause. 

But I need to remind myself that it’s okay to pause, to breathe, to not have a full day planned. It’s okay to say no to invitations, even when they are things you want to do. It’s okay not to rush toward the next career move or even the next meeting on your calendar. It’s okay to pause.

When I arrived at school to pick up the girls tonight, Lily and I walked to her cubbie to find her coat and backpack hanging alone on the rack. “We’re the last ones again,” she said, with a hint of pride and excitement.

For this working mom, who had been thinking about that little girl’s innocent question all day, it reinforced that maybe I do need to make some space in our schedule. To cut back a little. To be even more selective with our precious time. To pause every now and then.

I zipped Lily’s jacket, put her papers in her backpack and said, “Let’s go get your sister so we can get home to dinner.” I instinctively put my hand on her shoulder, just as I had that morning.

I caught myself. Paused. I looked around her classroom, then at her. “Did you make any of these things on these bulletin boards?” I asked. She smiled widely and nodded. “Show me,” I said.

She took my hand, and we spent a few minutes walking around her classroom. She showed me a snowman she had painted, and a flag she had colored. She showed me the easel where she likes to paint, and her favorite place to sit for lunch.

Sometimes a small pause can be a big thing.